


oink

by rosielibrary



Category: Gravity Falls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 22:38:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16841830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosielibrary/pseuds/rosielibrary
Summary: “you get to choose the pairing, just remember pigs…”listen i really got a request where someone wanted whatever but really needed pigs. so here's that. i guess(word of warning: this fic is from 2015 and unedited!)





	oink

“The pig’s loose!”

Stanford’s yell is accompanied by a shrill shriek of fear from the small girl at your side, and a flash of pink scuttles past you on the back porch with a squeal. Mabel dives from the porch to try and catch her runaway pet, but Waddles slips out of her grasp and into the bushes, his snorts fading into the distance. She falls to her knees in the dirt, her curly hair waving against the summer breeze.

“Waddles…” She sniffs and you look at Ford, who was standing at the doorway– he looks away before you make eye contact, a swish of his coat the only thing you have when he goes to comfort his great-niece, crouching next to her and awkwardly patting her back.

“Where did he go?”

Ford squints into the trees, fixing his glasses.

“Hard to say. But rest assured, we’ll find your pet pig, Mabel.”

“Great Uncle Ford, are you sure? Last time Waddles got lost, dinosaurs took him,” Mabel laments, tears pricking in her big brown eyes.

“I know we’ll find him,” you pitch in, kneeling down next to Mabel and smiling at her sympathetically. “My dog ran away once, but he came back when we called for him. Turns out he smelled something and dashed after whatever that was.”

You glance at Ford again, but he doesn’t meet your eye, looking out into the woods.

“We’ll go and find him, Mabel,” Ford says, standing up with a loud exhale. “Where’s Dipper?”

Dipper comes out soon after, following Mabel’s yell for him. He’s briefed on what happened and he’s down for the mission, of course.

“Are you coming too?” The question is directed towards you, and both twins turn to hear your answer. You’d spent a lot of time with them over the summer, after your atrocious job at Bud Gleeful’s car firm and avoiding his… Charismatic little boy, Gideon. You’d quit after Gideon was put in jail about the recording buttons scandal, and Dipper and Mabel had taken you under their wing– in a sense. You’re at least a foot and a half taller than them, after all.

Stan let you take a temporary job at the Shack as the backup cashier when Wendy was gone, but it was his twin brother that didn’t welcome you with as much kindness. He always seemed to analyze you as you worked and scribbled something down in his red book, but whenever you caught him staring he’d flinch and leave the room.

Weird.

But you nod at both of them determinedly, ignoring Ford’s eyes on you. The four of you go into the forest and Mabel calls for Waddles several times, followed by Dipper’s offers of pancakes if he comes back, and after about half an hour of searching, they both sit down for a moment, despondent.

“What if the dinosaurs got him? What if they somehow melted out of their weird yellow stickiness and made Waddles into– oh, I can’t even say it…” Mabel pulls the neck of her sweater over her head, tucking her legs into the bottom hem.

“Hey, resident of Sweater Town, we’ll find him,” Dipper says, patting her back. “I’m sure he can’t be too far away.”

Ford spies into the nearby clearing, his head sticking out from behind one of the huge trees you were surrounded by. You watch him for a moment, and when he returns to the twins he falters when he sees you, his eyes meeting yours for a second too long before he looks down at Mabel, saying there’s Waddles-prints in the mud a few feet away. Mabel perks up at that, but her next question makes both you and the scientist flinch.

“Great Uncle Ford, why’s your face so red?”

He stutters and Dipper agrees with his sister, wondering why he looked so warm all of a sudden. Was he okay? Ford shakes his head and says it’s probably just the heat, and he turns on his heel into the clearing–

Where he’s promptly snatched up by a large net.

The twins both cry out in shock and you run to him, trying to get him free, but a person comes up behind you and grabs your wrists, pulling you away.

“Hm… You’re not pigs. How rude of you to pull my trap! That’s just inconvenient.”

The voice was high-pitched but obviously a man’s, and you try to wrestle out of his grasp. Mabel calls your name as Dipper tries to get his uncle free, but the voice laughs and tightens its grip.

“That’s the price you pay for ruining my trap! I’ve been luring pigs here for hours to amass a giant army of them, and, with my magic, I’ll turn them all into soldiers with super strength and fighting skills! I’ll take over the world with my army of– Ow!”

You cut off the man’s preposterous speech with an elbow to his stomach, and you whip around before he can recover to see who you were dealing with. He’s human of the much skinnier variety, but his skin is a light pink, much like… A pig’s.

Not to mention the ears and the snout.

“Uh…”

The clearing falls silent until a loud snort breaks it, and Waddles trots into the area, sniffing near Ford’s trap. Mabel gasps and screeches “Waddles!”, to which he looks up and is promptly smothered in one of the little girl’s famous bone-crushing hugs (she seriously doesn’t know her own strength).

“Why pigs, if I could ask?” Your question is met with a sigh and the man’s air of confident evil villain is replaced with a somewhat pitiful snort from a pig-human.

“A witch turned me into a pig for flirting with her, and when I turned back, she replaced my handsome features with… This! So now I’m going to attack her and force her to change my army of pigs into super pigs so I can take over the world with them and get my revenge!”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to apologize to the witch so she could change you back?” Dipper asks, casually trying to untie his uncle from the net he was stuck in, to no avail.

“Witches are difficult, Dipper,” Ford muses, shuffling under the net for his journal. “Their magic doesn’t often settle for apologies. I don’t think–”

“I never tried that… Huh.” Pig-human puts a hand to his snout in thought. “Well, she lives here somewhere…”

“Indeed I do.”

A second voice is heard and everyone turns to see a figure on the sidelines of the clearing, wearing a long, green cloak. Their dark green hair has antlers sticking out of the top, and their legs have vines curled around them when they walk forward.

“The forest guardian,” Ford breathes, and Dipper looks as shocked as you feel. “I haven’t seen you since–”

“When you were last here, yes,” the guardian says, smiling gently at him, “With the ogre and your pointy ears in battle with that rude wizard. And this child… Hello, Dipper.”

“How do you–?”

“I have helped you on many of your adventures with your sister, Mabel.”

The Mabel in question stares at you and the forest guardian, asking, “Are you two related?”

“I do not have relatives; my family is the creatures that live in the woods with me.” The forest guardian directs their attention to you, saying, “Though, it is remarkable that we look so alike. Fascinating.”

Ford watches you carefully, mouth open, but the topic of conflict was inching out of the clearing. He clears his throat and nods towards the escaping Pig-human, and the forest guardian’s green eyes flare with anger.

“I thought I banished you from my forest,” they growl, lifting a hand and forcibly dragging Pig-human back towards them by the vines around his feet. Ford wasn’t kidding about the crazy magic thing.

“Aah, yeah, I can’t really go into– into town looking like this, people have heart attacks and stuff, y'know?”

“Why do you think I left you as such?” The forest guardian’s lips twitch into a smirk. Their wrist flicks and Pig-human is lifted from the ground by his ankles, dangling upside down in front of them.

“Wait!” Your outburst startles everyone and all eyes turn to you. “I–I believe Pig-human had something to say to you.”

“Pig-human?! That’s not my name, it’s Donnie!”

“And what does… Pig-human have to say to me?” The forest guardian lifts him up to their eye level, and Pig-human (or Donnie, apparently) swallows thickly.

“I, uh–” He coughs into his fist, refusing to make eye contact. “I’m… I’m sorry I flirted with you and, uh–”

“And?” The forest guardian’s emerald eyes glint in the sunlight.

“And for using dumb pick-up lines on you.”

Ford winces and you try not to giggle, covering your mouth with your hands.

“Hm.” Pig-human isn’t dropped, but he’s gently placed back on the ground, the forest guardian’s vines uncoiling from his legs and slithering back under their cloak. “That shall suffice. But I cannot erase your features without giving them to another person who has done some sort of horrible wrong.”

The four humans in the group think for a moment, but it’s you who speaks up first.

“I’ve got the perfect person.”

And so, somewhere in jail, Gideon Gleeful looks into a mirror and bursts into tears when he sees his snub widdle nose had become a widdle piggy snout.

— — —

You say goodbye to Donnie, who dashes back into town to find a “Patricia”, and you go back to the Shack with Dipper and Mabel, while Ford stays back to talk to the guardian for a moment. When he returns, his expression is somewhat wistful, but he doesn’t say anything about what they talked about. You spend a while telling the story back to Stan, who laughs and tells you about a spider-woman they encountered a while before. Ford watches from the sidelines, and when you catch his eye, he beckons you out of the room, asking you to follow him.

He takes you downstairs to his study, where a curtain covers what looks like a large window, and a huge counter holds thousands of buttons and knobs you wanted to press. Of course, your train of thought is somewhat occupied by Ford’s bringing you down here in the first place.

“The forest guardian and I have been friends for many, many years,” he starts, six fingered hand running through his hair. “And they’ve always given me advice on what to do, since they’re somewhat all-knowing.”

You’re not sure where he’s going with this, but nod for him to continue.

“You remind me of them in so many ways, and I needed help on a certain— problem— of mine, so I’m hoping their advice works.”

Ford steps forward until there’s a foot of space between you, and both of you can tell the other is nervous.

“Please don’t elbow me in the gut when I do this.”

You almost start laughing, but he’s bent down so close to your face you almost stop breathing instead. Ford’s fingertips lightly brush past yours and you take his hand, weaving your fingers together, and that seems to give him that last boost of confidence to push himself forward and press his lips to yours, his opposite hand grazing your cheek. You’re stunned by his sudden act, but lean into him and squeeze his hand gently while he pulls away from you, but you prevent him from retreating too quickly.

“Is that why you’ve been so distant?” you ask him quietly, and he nods, looking to his shoes.

“I was nervous about what you might think,” he says guiltily. “About… Well, the obvious thing, I suppose. But it would seem maybe… You don’t mind too much.”

“You’re really rather oblivious sometimes for such a brainiac,” you joke, standing on your toes to kiss him again. The moment’s broken a minute later by a loud snort, and Waddles is sitting between your feet, watching you with his little black eyes.


End file.
